Don't Worry

I am a college student. Well, not for much longer, but since I still am I can use it as a legitimate excuse for why there hasn't been activity on this blog in months. Certain things have been classified as low-priority, much to my dismay.

I have been active on my bus blog, primarily due to Lane Jensen's absence from the blogging world and my attempts to fill that hole. I still view this blog as more important, but unfortunately I haven't had the motivation to write anything. This is a bummer, since God has been teaching me a lot lately.

Maybe I should just rename this blog, "Rantings of a Really Lazy Blogger." But that would just be ripping off Al Margulies's blog name, and really, my blog ain't that funny.

On a side note, to the one person who read this blog on November 6, I thank you. Your efforts of pageviewing didn't go unnoticed. Really. It's kind of hard to miss the only pageview your blog gets in two months.

But back to whatever I'm trying to say here, I am a college student. Until December 12, I am a college student. After that, I will be just a guy. A guy with a certain amount of work lined up for me. I'm not talking about a job in my field of expertise specifically. I just know that God has something lined up. It will all work out. I'm not worried.

Hey, let's talk about worry! I can talk a lot about that! Not because I've worried, but because I haven't been. Or mostly haven't been. I don't know if I told you my story about my phone in Denver yet. Telling you that will make this paragraph make a lot more sense.

So, I was on vacation in Denver in June. I had a lot of high expectations for some really awesome things to happen. I had been there four days or so, and I had already been stuck in a tornado shelter, calling to the Coors Field bullpen, proving that TriMet's fare structure is truly unequitable, finding the best intersection in the world (Taco Bell, Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Chipotle, light rail, and bus mall, all at 16th & California), and spending time with my grandmother. It had been way more exciting than I had even expected was possible.

It was Thursday, and I decided to go meet up with my youth choir, Priority, as they sang at a retirement home. Yay! I get to see Priority (which wasn't certain in and of itself). Then our director threw me a t-shirt and had me sing in the choir. And then I spent the whole rest of the day with them, going to the mall, hanging out with all my friends, and getting the honor of being included in the selection of tour dates (long story). And I got a ride back to Grandma's from one of my heroes and best friends in life, Jon. Perfect day, and I hadn't even reached the day of utmost excitement, the epic theme park day (which was kinda the reason I "happened" to be in Denver that week [shh..don't tell anyone...]).

And then that night, in all my wonder at how awesome that day had gone, I had a great shock come upon me: where is my phone? I had it in the van ride to Grandma's, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my room! Could I have dropped it in the street? The yard? Did somebody take it? To make matters worse, the battery had just died on it, and I needed it for the theme park day.

Then I heard that inaudible voice that comes from time to time speak clearly: "This is a test." So I sat there on my bed thinking about how everything had gone so perfectly according to plan so far, plus some. I thought about how God had been continually proving His faithfulness to me throughout the trip. And I kept getting the sense of a voice saying, "I have made everything go right so far. But now things are not certain. This is a test. Will you trust Me?" So I declared that I would not worry. I basically told God, I know that whatever happens will be the right thing, but if I get my phone back (charged), I should never worry ever again. And so I went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and realized, hey, I could just call Jon on Grandma's landline and ask him if he found the phone in the van! Maybe he could get someone with the same phone the charge it! So I picked up the phone and dialed the number (his being the only Priority number I knew by memory). And..."(cue the three phone tones of terror), Please enter the 4 digit long-distance access code." Long distance access code? Well, so much for easy. And with no phone, it meant I had to call the transit district to get scheduled times for a bus I didn't have the printed schedule for. So, wad of paper schedules in hand and a confident smile on my face, I walked out the door of Grandma's house.

Of course, since this is not TriMet, all the buses ran perfectly on schedule. I got to see some really cool parts of town I had wanted to see. Even one of the drivers went to the church that Priority had done a service project at. It was a bus trip of a lifetime. I arrived at the hotel. I said a prayer: "Lord, this is it. I trust You." And I walked in the door to find Jon in the lobby.

"Hey, Jon," I said. "Did you happen to find my phone?"

"Yeah, I found it on the floor of the van. It's charging up in my room."

And that day ended up being probably the best day of my life so far. Phone in hand, I spent time with my friends at the theme park, having a total blast. And the rest of the vacation continued to be just as awesome. A weeklong trip, where nothing went wrong.

So, now I say: should I worry? I'll admit, there have been moments since then where worry has attacked me, but either God wakes me up and points out His continued faithfulness, or I just remember all the things He has done, relax, and watch Him work. No, things haven't always been comfortable, and no, things haven't gone "my way" all the time. But God has never failed me. Everything has worked out. And I can proceed knowing that He will provide, even when it seems impossible.

So, yes, God has shown me that I don't need to panic about getting a job right out of college. I'll work for my family, which will give me some much-needed time off to recover from this term. And there are plenty of opportunities on the horizon. But earlier this year I worried a lot about this time of my life. Now I just have faith that God is in control of everything. And this gives me confidence.

Because, really, why should I ever worry again?

A Hope And A Future

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' " - Jeremiah 29:11

I feel like I have gotten off on the wrong foot. If I am going to share life with you on this blog, I probably should define what my life is first.

God likes to teach me things by creating a high-level theme and then explaining how each detail fits into the big picture. I have grown to understand such concepts as grace, mercy, love, and joy over the years through these learning periods. It is a shame that I wasn't blogging then, because it would have been wonderful to have shared these as I learned them. Though I will definitely fit these into the posts as I go along, it is more prudent that I tell you about what God has been teaching me about lately: faith.

Faith can be defined in many ways and has many applications. Read Hebrews 11 if you want to see what faith in action looks like. The most pressing component of faith that God has been revealing to me over the last few years has to do with trusting in God's faithfulness and then acting accordingly. This is how faith is best defined in my life.

Back in 2011, I was going about my business when, suddenly, God felt it appropriate to make me two really big promises. The first year or so after each promise was made mostly consisted of me trying to prove that these were really promises of God and not some figment of my imagination. But, alas, they most certainly were of God, for there is no way that these things could just happen or remain happening over the long haul in the way they did if they weren't of God. This was one component of faith I learned: trusting that what God said was actually what He said. This is most important in light of His Word, but He also makes promises to people, either through His Word or through other means, and it's up to us to remain faithful to believe in the truth of those promises.

I would love to go into specific details about these promises. However, due to the world-wide nature of the world-wide web, it would be in my best interest to wait until they come to fruition and then tell you all the details. Besides, it will be even more faith-building for you when I can say "This is what God promised, and here's the fruits." While I can't tell you right now exactly what these promises were, I can tell you some interesting comparisons between them that will help you see how God works.

The first promise was something like this: "This is where I am leading you. I am not giving you an instruction manual on how to get there. Instead, just trust Me to lead you along the way. You will get there. Just trust Me and follow Me."

I think many of the promises God makes are like this. We can see the destination, and we know that we are guaranteed to arrive there on time. However, the road is foggy and the map is torn to shreds. Therefore, we just have to heed the promptings of the Holy Spirit inside and follow where He leads. This seems so difficult, especially because we like to reason out the possibilities of success or failure. But I have found the truth that God is faithful to His promise, and that doesn't change regardless of the situation.

So, how's the journey going so far? Well, it's not exactly what I was expecting. I am in a totally different place than I reasoned I'd be at this point. But where I am is so on track and is making a difference in the lives of people that I can tell that this is where I'm supposed to be now. And anyway, this is only part of the way along the timeline to the destination. There's still a ways to go. But I thought I would have to wait a long time to see any fruits of this promise; instead, I'm already seeing part of it coming to pass.

The second promise is totally opposite from the first. I was minding my own business when God made the promise to me in sentence form, as He spoke in my mind so very clearly what exactly was going to happen, it might as well have been audible. I was taken aback, and I laughed it off. Again, I heard in my spirit the same words, (to the equivalence of) "This is going to happen." So I started to pray and listen, as the Casting Crowns song "Already There" started playing over and over in my mind out of the blue. And instead of giving me the destination and just telling me to trust Him with the details, God began to list out the details of what would happen along the way. It all made sense, it all was logical, and it even made other things in life make more sense. But what I was left with was a set of answers to some serious prayers I had prayed and a detailed list of what would happen over the next year.

So a year later, after all the things God had told me would happen came to pass perfectly and on schedule, that's when I came to the full understanding that this was, in fact, going to happen. My faith finally caused me to totally trust in the words that He had spoken to me. You may wonder why God doesn't just explain what will happen and instead opts to leave you out of the details. I have found that, contrary to popular opinion, it actually requires way more faith to believe when the plan is laid out, because that is a lot more information to trust God to make happen perfectly and on schedule. It makes the "trust me" promise seem like no burden, when I've seen the "here's the plan" promise work exactly as planned, and even blessing me along the way above and beyond my wildest expectations.

I served as counselor this year at Royal Family Kids Camp. The camp verse for the week was Jeremiah 29:11, and the challenge was to just rest on that and not worry about anything. Why should I worry? Why should I fear anything? God has promised in His Word that He knows the plans He has for me, plans for a hope and a future. And, for some reason, he has chosen to reveal a few examples of these plans to me, which have built my faith extremely.

After completing the first year of the second promise, God chose again to outline the next 12 months. These included some very extreme events that challenged my faith to an even higher level. But, I'm eight months in, and everything is again on schedule according to that plan. I speak with certainty concerning the validity of the initial statement, because the probability of everything happening according to this plan without providential intervention is about the same as seeing an actual pig sprout wings and soar away. But here I am, my faith strong and indestructible. Even when the arrows of Satan attack me, that shield of faith protects me and helps me to grow even more, regardless of the circumstances. And it makes me see how faithful my God truly is.

So I'm excited to share with you about God's faithfulness to these promises going forward. And in a few years, I will be able to tell you what He actually promised.

Bluetooth Keyboard

My blogging as of late has been next to nonexistent. Until I realized I just needed some sort of tool to make it more convenient.

A few months ago, my mother bought me a small keyboard for my phone that connects via Bluetooth. It seemed cool at the time, but just like many of the other cool things, it ended up sitting untouched in its box for a few months.

When I got my phone back in January, I knew that I had no excuse for not blogging because of the convenience of my Blogger app. However, while the portability of the app did prove to be convenient, typing on the touch screen keyboard added a level of annoyance that made the experience less than pleasureable. And while the voice recognition made it easier at home, when I was away its use was obviously impossible. So, therefore, the blog entries both here and on my Transit Rider PDX blog dwindled.

Jump to last night. I had an epiphany. This cool little device sitting in its box somewhere downstairs would make typing up blog entries on the go a whole lot easier. So I packed up the box and took it to work with me today to charge it and see if it connects. And behold, it works! It's still a bit slower typing than on a normal keyboard, but it sure beats the touch screen. (Plus it has arrow keys, which my Galaxy SIII's keyboard doesn't.)

What's the big deal? Well, I know that God has made it clear that both of my blogs are super-important to His big plan. I've known this for years. But every time I go to make the effort, something comes up that holds me back from following through and writing blog posts. These hindrances have taken many forms, from failures that make me think I'm not good enough for writing, to just how to get the picture of my phone onto this post. (Obviously, this requires use of another camera; this conundrum caused the delay of another day while writing this post.) This is even the third incarnation of this very blog: the first lasted seven posts and then went away, while the second never saw the light of the WWW day.

I have already seen how God has been using my bus blog to make a difference in both my life and the rest of the TriMet world. However, I have always known that this particular blog is one of my primary ministries, as it is a place where I can speak about all that God is revealing to me and all the incredible things that He's doing my life. So it behooves me to make the effort to follow through with this blogging, as it is way more important than what it may seem when I'm doing it.

I should be posting at least twice a week here. If I'm not, shoot me a comment on a post and ask me where I've been. Because unless I'm at Royal Family Kids Camp where we only have access to our phones for three hours a day, I have no excuse for not posting to this blog. It's part of my ministry! 

Denver 2013: Day 1

I decided that it would be a cool idea to make a daily log of trip to Denver this year. I mean, somebody out there would probably find it interesting. And from what I've learned about vacations, they are rarely boring. So here is my Denver travelogue. I hope you enjoy it.

Ahh, my first ever plane flight by myself. See, whenever I fly, I have to take decongestant pills so my ears don't explode. So when I was getting ready to board the plane and realized my pills weren't in my pocket, that wasn't exactly a welcome realization. Providentially, the pills I had taken earlier that morning and the night before were sufficient enough to keep me from having ear fireworks. Or maybe it was because I landed 5800 feet higher than when I started.

I found it funny that there were signs in Denver's airport directing passengers to tornado shelters. I mean, that is something that will never be seen anywhere in Oregon. So when the announcement came over the intercom that the National Weather Service had issued a tornado warning that included the Denver International Airport, I was rather shocked. Next thing I knew, I was spending 30 minutes in the men's restroom (the tornado shelter) hearing the same annoying pre-recorded announcement about the tornado warning over and over and over again. I called my mom, the tornado stories television program connoisseur, to inform her I was in a real-life tornado situation (much to her obvious shock). Also, my aunt was on her way to the airport to pick me up. All this, and I had only been in Denver for less than an hour.

After about 30 minutes, there was finally a new announcement saying that the threat of a tornado was no longer. Turns out that three tornadoes had actually formed and one touched down, but apparently it didn't do any damage. Eventually, I was able to retrieve my luggage and meet my aunt who took me to my grandma's house.

It's always nice to see family you rarely get to see, so the rest of my evening was mostly just visiting and catching up. But as my aunt said, I have just arrived and it's already a vacation that I will never forget.

You can keep up with my Coloradoan escapades by searching #psdenver13 on Twitter, or following along at @pstanley92.

Feelings

"Lord, where did the feeling go?" Closer than I thought, actually.

I have been struggling for some time chasing this feeling I couldn't explain.

I always thought I had the formula down pat. A certain amount of days this, a certain amount of days that. If I followed the pattern just right, I would find this feeling of happiness I once often had. Sometimes, the plan would work and I would reach that euphoric place. But then, something would come up and it would be gone. And it wouldn't come back.

Naturally, I start believing that something is wrong with me. Maybe it's some sin I can't get away from, or some stress at school that I can't release. And the more failed tries to reach that feeling, the more I just let the sin or the stress have more power.

But then I have a good moment with God. So now everything's okay, right? Well, for a couple of days. Then I find myself feeling worse and not getting better, so I step in and try to fix it. I think that I got this under control, that I can make this right. And suddenly, I find myself failing my own plan, and then failing in general. And then I'm in an even worse place than I was before.

What is going on? Why is it so hard to catch this feeling? All I want is to be okay. So why aren't I?

My sins are forgiven, my life is all planned out and being orchestrated by the hand of God. No guilt, no shame. I am saved! I am free!

I am free.

So why do I feel like I am still in chains?
That's when I do a root cause analysis to discover the real problem. I feel terrible, but I'm saved. I feel stuck in a rut, but I know I've been freed from sin and death. And I'm doing well. Not perfect, but well. That's all I can ask, right?

Then the memo comes quietly through the metaphorical fax machine: I'm missing the point entirely. It's not about how many mistakes I make or how I handle the stress. It's about Jesus.

And then I realize what's wrong. I'm living like I'm going through the same struggle I thought I was freed from. I am no longer bound to my mistakes, I am only bound to Christ and He has taken care of all my sins on the cross. Once for all of them. Seems like the only person who never understood that I'm free was me.

So I run into the arms of my Father who takes me in regardless of anything I've done. He's given His everything so I could run to Him. And I realize that the purpose of my whole life is to be with Him. And then I go back to life and, instead of seeking to do things right, I seek Him. And because I am seeking Him and Him alone, I live like the Christian I was called to be. Not because I am putting in extra effort, but because I am seeking Him and everything just falls in place.

And I find that feeling. All along, I thought it was something I had to do. Instead, it was just from being with Jesus and having His Spirit on fire within me.

And because I'm truly, truly free.

Give

This life is not my own. Why should I be unwilling to give it away?

Oftentimes it's easy to just keep everything God has given to me and to be reluctant to give it away. I think the life of a relatively broke college student makes me value each dollar too much and fail to value the Giver or those in need.

Giving is much like serving, because the more you are committed to Christ, the more naturally instinctive it is to give of yourself and of what you have.

Acts 2 talks about the first church (not the First Church down on Jefferson Street; that wasn't really the first church). They set the precedent for what the church is supposed to look like. One of these actions pertains to giving: "They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. (Acts 2:45 [NIV])" They had a willingness to give whatever was needed because their love for each other was greater than the love of what they had. It wasn't that they just gave for no reason; it was that there was a reason.

Think about how the world would see someone who was willing to give up what s/he has. That's a foreign concept. I've earned what I have! It was a gift to ME! These attitudes may be warranted, but the Christian attitude is that all things are gifts from God. It's not mine and it's only temporary.

Now, when we talk about giving, we usually only think about money. But sometimes some of the hardest things to give away are actions. Think about how it seems easier to donate money to the Rescue Mission, but it's an inconvenience to actually go down and volunteer at the Rescue Mission.

But I have found myself having no problem giving of my time and energy. I feel that that's the only natural response. However, the semi-broke college student thing has convinced me to be cheap, and therefore it's even difficult to spend money on the people I care about the most. This attitude isn't right. I think it's why God challenged me to begin tithing: to train myself that all things are His to begin with. It's a standing challenge that I believe will train me to recognize the value in trusting the Lord with those things.

The verse in Malachi 3 that says to bring the tithe into the storehouse is well-known, and people debate whether it means that Christians are still under the legal obligation to tithe. Regardless of this view, God's promise at the end of that verse is clear: "Test me in this, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. (Mal. 3:10b [NIV])"

In other words, giving your best to the Lord will produce blessings above and beyond anything that we could ever imagine. So why are we so reluctant to give?

Serve

We prayed, and now we're living for Christ, leading to telling others about Him. But how does that turn into actions that help others?

When I was young and not fully recognizing the importance of my faith, I didn't have a great attitude toward "serving." Now, I don't mean the actions, I mean the title. See, my perspective of serving as a Christian was that people get so focused on doing, doing, doing that they miss the point of knowing what they believe. While this can be true, it caused me to misunderstand the point of serving.

In junior high, I came to a true understanding of God's love for me. Worship music excited me, so I started getting involved with the junior high worship team, eventually getting to a place where I was the administrator for that team (at the ripe old age of 13). Moving on into high school, I stayed involved in worship, and was more than content with putting my effort into what I loved (i.e. music) and not into things I had no ability to perform (i.e. children's ministries).

One Sunday morning, all this changed. My best friend, who had been serving in children's ministries as media team director, was leaving for college and wanted me to come in to Kid's Church for the 11am service to learn how to operate the equipment in the hope that I would take a couple weeks and teach the kids. So, I agreed to come in for a couple of weeks and help the children's ministry team by teaching the kids how to run the media equipment.

Four years later, I'm still there. I had no plans to stay longer than three weeks, but I found myself stuck there because (1) my work was not complete, and (2) I loved it too much. Then, I found myself caring for those kids so much that my commitment level went through the roof. Eventually, when the kids moved to junior high, I left the high school department to work in the junior high department. And now, my whole life plans are based around continuing to help the teams and mentor the kids for the foreseeable future.

So there was this one moment when I was teaching something in Kid's Church about serving, and it hit me to the fullest extent: this is what serving truly is. It wasn't that I chose to do, do, do. I simply was acting on the attitude that there was no better place to expend my energy or spend my time. Now I am known throughout the church as one who serves, and that makes me very happy.

In John 13, the Bible talks about Jesus washing His disciples' feet. This is a very well-known story, but it is so layered with meaning that there is no way it could possibly have been written by someone other than God Himself. It's not just about Jesus serving; the symbolism is of regular sanctification of the daily sins, in contrast with the initial cleansing that happens when we first accept Christ. But the main point I want to take from this passage is summed up best in verse 16-17: "Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. [NASB]"

And yes, serving makes me feel blessed, because there's nothing more fulfilling than doing things that could lead people into eternity in heaven. It's not about me. It's not about the reward I receive. It's about knowing that what I'm doing matters more than anything else I could possibly do. And therefore, this serving thing seems like less of a deliberate choice and more of a natural reaction. And it's a reaction that couldn't make me happier.

So look for opportunities to use your talents for the Lord, but also be open to the Lord's leading. He may just lead you into a job you may think you will fail at. But failure rarely happens if the Lord leads you somewhere. Turns out I had all the skills I needed to work with kids. Now it's the most important thing in my life.