Friday, November 15, 2013

Don't Worry

I am a college student. Well, not for much longer, but since I still am I can use it as a legitimate excuse for why there hasn't been activity on this blog in months. Certain things have been classified as low-priority, much to my dismay.

I have been active on my bus blog, primarily due to Lane Jensen's absence from the blogging world and my attempts to fill that hole. I still view this blog as more important, but unfortunately I haven't had the motivation to write anything. This is a bummer, since God has been teaching me a lot lately.

Maybe I should just rename this blog, "Rantings of a Really Lazy Blogger." But that would just be ripping off Al Margulies's blog name, and really, my blog ain't that funny.

On a side note, to the one person who read this blog on November 6, I thank you. Your efforts of pageviewing didn't go unnoticed. Really. It's kind of hard to miss the only pageview your blog gets in two months.

But back to whatever I'm trying to say here, I am a college student. Until December 12, I am a college student. After that, I will be just a guy. A guy with a certain amount of work lined up for me. I'm not talking about a job in my field of expertise specifically. I just know that God has something lined up. It will all work out. I'm not worried.

Hey, let's talk about worry! I can talk a lot about that! Not because I've worried, but because I haven't been. Or mostly haven't been. I don't know if I told you my story about my phone in Denver yet. Telling you that will make this paragraph make a lot more sense.

So, I was on vacation in Denver in June. I had a lot of high expectations for some really awesome things to happen. I had been there four days or so, and I had already been stuck in a tornado shelter, calling to the Coors Field bullpen, proving that TriMet's fare structure is truly unequitable, finding the best intersection in the world (Taco Bell, Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Chipotle, light rail, and bus mall, all at 16th & California), and spending time with my grandmother. It had been way more exciting than I had even expected was possible.

It was Thursday, and I decided to go meet up with my youth choir, Priority, as they sang at a retirement home. Yay! I get to see Priority (which wasn't certain in and of itself). Then our director threw me a t-shirt and had me sing in the choir. And then I spent the whole rest of the day with them, going to the mall, hanging out with all my friends, and getting the honor of being included in the selection of tour dates (long story). And I got a ride back to Grandma's from one of my heroes and best friends in life, Jon. Perfect day, and I hadn't even reached the day of utmost excitement, the epic theme park day (which was kinda the reason I "happened" to be in Denver that week [shh..don't tell anyone...]).

And then that night, in all my wonder at how awesome that day had gone, I had a great shock come upon me: where is my phone? I had it in the van ride to Grandma's, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my room! Could I have dropped it in the street? The yard? Did somebody take it? To make matters worse, the battery had just died on it, and I needed it for the theme park day.

Then I heard that inaudible voice that comes from time to time speak clearly: "This is a test." So I sat there on my bed thinking about how everything had gone so perfectly according to plan so far, plus some. I thought about how God had been continually proving His faithfulness to me throughout the trip. And I kept getting the sense of a voice saying, "I have made everything go right so far. But now things are not certain. This is a test. Will you trust Me?" So I declared that I would not worry. I basically told God, I know that whatever happens will be the right thing, but if I get my phone back (charged), I should never worry ever again. And so I went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and realized, hey, I could just call Jon on Grandma's landline and ask him if he found the phone in the van! Maybe he could get someone with the same phone the charge it! So I picked up the phone and dialed the number (his being the only Priority number I knew by memory). And..."(cue the three phone tones of terror), Please enter the 4 digit long-distance access code." Long distance access code? Well, so much for easy. And with no phone, it meant I had to call the transit district to get scheduled times for a bus I didn't have the printed schedule for. So, wad of paper schedules in hand and a confident smile on my face, I walked out the door of Grandma's house.

Of course, since this is not TriMet, all the buses ran perfectly on schedule. I got to see some really cool parts of town I had wanted to see. Even one of the drivers went to the church that Priority had done a service project at. It was a bus trip of a lifetime. I arrived at the hotel. I said a prayer: "Lord, this is it. I trust You." And I walked in the door to find Jon in the lobby.

"Hey, Jon," I said. "Did you happen to find my phone?"

"Yeah, I found it on the floor of the van. It's charging up in my room."

And that day ended up being probably the best day of my life so far. Phone in hand, I spent time with my friends at the theme park, having a total blast. And the rest of the vacation continued to be just as awesome. A weeklong trip, where nothing went wrong.

So, now I say: should I worry? I'll admit, there have been moments since then where worry has attacked me, but either God wakes me up and points out His continued faithfulness, or I just remember all the things He has done, relax, and watch Him work. No, things haven't always been comfortable, and no, things haven't gone "my way" all the time. But God has never failed me. Everything has worked out. And I can proceed knowing that He will provide, even when it seems impossible.

So, yes, God has shown me that I don't need to panic about getting a job right out of college. I'll work for my family, which will give me some much-needed time off to recover from this term. And there are plenty of opportunities on the horizon. But earlier this year I worried a lot about this time of my life. Now I just have faith that God is in control of everything. And this gives me confidence.

Because, really, why should I ever worry again?